It's been so long since I have seen you and I will never be able to see you again, at least not in this life.
I haven't seen you in so long. I knew you had a baby that I haven't met. I will never get that chance. I hope that your other girls are ok. Next time I am back home I hope I get to see them. I know its going to rough on them but we are a strong family and look out for each other. You know that though. I wish that I could have been there to say goodbye, so I say it now. May peace be with you and your baby.
"The bodies were found inside their burned home Saturday morning. Police say Johnson and the single, working mother of four had a history of domestic violence, and that she had tried to end the relationship. Investigators say Johnson, arrested shortly after the fire thanks to an anonymous caller, offered chilling details of the crime saying he bashed her in the head with a hammer, then got a can of gasoline. Court records say he quote, "Doused the living room and the victim's room, where the victim's child was sleeping in her crib, lit a towel on fire and placed it on the victim who got up and started screaming and running."
That is a taken from the news story on my cousin's death. They were so badly burned that it was a closed casket and the medical examiner wouldnt let me aunt in to identify the bodies. Luckily, her other 3 kids were with relatives or there would have been a funeral for 5. Its bad enough to loose family in this way, I just glad that at least 3 lives were spared.
Take time to let the ones that you love know it. Life is too short to not let them know that you care. Take a minute to call up a friend or a relative and say hi, especially if you haven't seen or talked to them in a long time. Remember the ones that are gone and think a happy thought of them because that is all that is left.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
What kind of douche bag do you think that I am?
Do you really think that I will sit around and wait for your IM? At one point in time I considered you a friend but not any more. You broke that trust and its never going to be the same again. I see you trying to avoid me, you can pretend like I am not there but when I show my face again; your petty jealousy rears its ugly head. I don’t care if your house is nice, it’s yours and you own it. I can’t say that. But I can take pride in what is mine. While you were living at Mommy and Daddy’s, I worked and I tried. Are you just beginning to realize that? Or have you settled, become stagnant, breeding ground for decay?
Yes, I know I escaped from where you are but you can’t be happy for me? Still stuck in that playground bickering, not caring that I tried to raise you up, when you were at your lowest. When I offered a new way of thinking and a new light on the situation, you decided to shut me out and shit on me. I tried to make you see that there was a better way. You took your choices and ran, there is nothing that I can do for you.
I have moved on and I feel bad for what you have become, hold that past tighter and maybe I will see what you have yet to be. I can see the start that you are trying to make but don’t expect me to be there. This one is all on you. It’s your choice, it’s your decision to act in the way that you are.
You want to call names, and petty threats are lost on ears that will no longer hear. I tried to help you but you turned your back on the friendship that can no longer be. I cant be a friend to someone that will not be the person that they are meant to be. I remember the friend that you once were, kind and caring, open and loving but something has shut down in you and I cant put myself out there for someone that is no longer there.
I will miss you. You were once upon a time a close friend. I let you in but for some reason you decided not to join the party. And you of all people know that I don’t let people close to me. You broke a trust that I hold dear and it will take a lot of work if you want it back; I am not going to extend that olive branch. That is on your shoulders and yours alone.
Maybe its too late to see what could have been, like so many others that are something, maybe, so could of you been. A little too late, a sympathy too late. Once that could of sufficed, but not anymore. You can take your places and you can take your faces but you will always be the same kind of trash as me. As much as you try to hide the accent that I let out at times; humble beginnings, sometimes makes you remember what you have to keep learning.
I know that I am not perfect and I do not have the perfect life but at least I try to be happy, I try to have my life. It may not be much buts mine and I can claim it as a happy life. Can you do the same? Are you still the same person that you were when he left, too afraid to be alone? Too afraid to be apart? Too codependent to by yourself? These are questions that you have to ask your self. I can no longer help you. This is your burden and yours alone.
Yes, I know I escaped from where you are but you can’t be happy for me? Still stuck in that playground bickering, not caring that I tried to raise you up, when you were at your lowest. When I offered a new way of thinking and a new light on the situation, you decided to shut me out and shit on me. I tried to make you see that there was a better way. You took your choices and ran, there is nothing that I can do for you.
I have moved on and I feel bad for what you have become, hold that past tighter and maybe I will see what you have yet to be. I can see the start that you are trying to make but don’t expect me to be there. This one is all on you. It’s your choice, it’s your decision to act in the way that you are.
You want to call names, and petty threats are lost on ears that will no longer hear. I tried to help you but you turned your back on the friendship that can no longer be. I cant be a friend to someone that will not be the person that they are meant to be. I remember the friend that you once were, kind and caring, open and loving but something has shut down in you and I cant put myself out there for someone that is no longer there.
I will miss you. You were once upon a time a close friend. I let you in but for some reason you decided not to join the party. And you of all people know that I don’t let people close to me. You broke a trust that I hold dear and it will take a lot of work if you want it back; I am not going to extend that olive branch. That is on your shoulders and yours alone.
Maybe its too late to see what could have been, like so many others that are something, maybe, so could of you been. A little too late, a sympathy too late. Once that could of sufficed, but not anymore. You can take your places and you can take your faces but you will always be the same kind of trash as me. As much as you try to hide the accent that I let out at times; humble beginnings, sometimes makes you remember what you have to keep learning.
I know that I am not perfect and I do not have the perfect life but at least I try to be happy, I try to have my life. It may not be much buts mine and I can claim it as a happy life. Can you do the same? Are you still the same person that you were when he left, too afraid to be alone? Too afraid to be apart? Too codependent to by yourself? These are questions that you have to ask your self. I can no longer help you. This is your burden and yours alone.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Masturbation, porn, and confessions
"Oh my god! You masturbate? But you are a girl! I didn't think that girls did that!"
I knew it was going to be a long conversation when I heard that. Yes, girls masturbate. If a girl says that she doesn't, then she is lying or frigid. I know that this may come as a shocker to some of you out there but girls rub one out just like the guys do. We just go about it in different ways. For the most part we do not sit in front of a computer, look at porn and go to town. Our self pleasure usually needs more devices then that. We can use our fingers but I can almost guarantee that every female over the age of 21 has a dildo or vibrator. It doesn't matter what size or shape but they are hidden away in bedrooms across America.
Dildos and vibrators are not the same thing. Dildos are usually penis shaped and don't buzz. Vibrators come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, some require batteries and some plug into the wall. Both can send a female into orgasm heaven. Now for me, I am a dildo vibrator combo kinda person. I prefer the vibrator for the clitoral stimulation and the dildo for its penetration properties. Like, I said before most females get off on the clit play. The buzzing sensations on the doorbell are too good for words. There is something about the intense buzzing there that can make me scream for mercy. If you haven't tried it, then I highly suggest it.
Vibrators are also good for inserting into the pussy and ass. Just remember if it has a cord be careful about putting up the ol' poop chute. I have heard about them breaking off in there. And that cant be a fun situation. Just remember that if you are going to engage in the ass ramming, use lots of lube. For some reason, people just cant figure that one out. There is no naturally occurring lubrication in the anus. That is one place that more is sometimes better.
Don't forget about the girls upstairs. Nipple stimulation can play apart in your self pleasure session. I have found that sometimes, just a little pinch can add to the over all satisfaction of masturbation. There are nerve endings in the nipples that can shoot you over the edge. Obviously, this is more fun when there is someone else that enjoys the milk jugs also.
"Do you watch porn too?"
"Let me tell you a story. When I was about 15, living in Hawaii, I went over to my boyfriend's house, (OK, he was more of a fuck buddy. Yes, motherfucker, I had a fuck buddy at 15.) because we were ditching school. He and a couple of his friends decided to bust into his Dad's porn collection. We sat there for about 45 minutes, watching porn until he drug my ass into his bedroom and fucked me."
"So what do you think the answer to that question is?" I responded.
If I am in the mood for porn, I watch it. There is nothing wrong with getting the imagination going while you are fucking. If I take my glasses off I cant see shit anyways. Now, not all females are cool with the porn display. And for that matter I am not cool with all porn. I hate cum shots. But I do like my threesome clips. All girls to some level can respect/love the female form. That doesn't automatically make us gay or bi. We can see what we have and can enjoy it on another female. Plus, you guys love watching the girl on girl aspect of it. As for henti (Japanese porn cartoons) I do not like the sex fucking machines/monsters. But I do enjoy the dirty cartoons. Its something different from the porn stuff that you normally see. Usually, I perfer having music on the stereo and the porn stuff just muted on the tele. That is my personal preference. Some may like the sounds of fucking. I personally cant stand the "Fuck yes" or "Pound it harder" sounds that come from the TV.
If you want to watch porn with your lady friend, then ask her if this is something that she might like. And dont just put on your faveorite porn, get her opinion, maybe the chick you are so hot for, shhe finds fucnky looking.
I knew it was going to be a long conversation when I heard that. Yes, girls masturbate. If a girl says that she doesn't, then she is lying or frigid. I know that this may come as a shocker to some of you out there but girls rub one out just like the guys do. We just go about it in different ways. For the most part we do not sit in front of a computer, look at porn and go to town. Our self pleasure usually needs more devices then that. We can use our fingers but I can almost guarantee that every female over the age of 21 has a dildo or vibrator. It doesn't matter what size or shape but they are hidden away in bedrooms across America.
Dildos and vibrators are not the same thing. Dildos are usually penis shaped and don't buzz. Vibrators come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, some require batteries and some plug into the wall. Both can send a female into orgasm heaven. Now for me, I am a dildo vibrator combo kinda person. I prefer the vibrator for the clitoral stimulation and the dildo for its penetration properties. Like, I said before most females get off on the clit play. The buzzing sensations on the doorbell are too good for words. There is something about the intense buzzing there that can make me scream for mercy. If you haven't tried it, then I highly suggest it.
Vibrators are also good for inserting into the pussy and ass. Just remember if it has a cord be careful about putting up the ol' poop chute. I have heard about them breaking off in there. And that cant be a fun situation. Just remember that if you are going to engage in the ass ramming, use lots of lube. For some reason, people just cant figure that one out. There is no naturally occurring lubrication in the anus. That is one place that more is sometimes better.
Don't forget about the girls upstairs. Nipple stimulation can play apart in your self pleasure session. I have found that sometimes, just a little pinch can add to the over all satisfaction of masturbation. There are nerve endings in the nipples that can shoot you over the edge. Obviously, this is more fun when there is someone else that enjoys the milk jugs also.
"Do you watch porn too?"
"Let me tell you a story. When I was about 15, living in Hawaii, I went over to my boyfriend's house, (OK, he was more of a fuck buddy. Yes, motherfucker, I had a fuck buddy at 15.) because we were ditching school. He and a couple of his friends decided to bust into his Dad's porn collection. We sat there for about 45 minutes, watching porn until he drug my ass into his bedroom and fucked me."
"So what do you think the answer to that question is?" I responded.
If I am in the mood for porn, I watch it. There is nothing wrong with getting the imagination going while you are fucking. If I take my glasses off I cant see shit anyways. Now, not all females are cool with the porn display. And for that matter I am not cool with all porn. I hate cum shots. But I do like my threesome clips. All girls to some level can respect/love the female form. That doesn't automatically make us gay or bi. We can see what we have and can enjoy it on another female. Plus, you guys love watching the girl on girl aspect of it. As for henti (Japanese porn cartoons) I do not like the sex fucking machines/monsters. But I do enjoy the dirty cartoons. Its something different from the porn stuff that you normally see. Usually, I perfer having music on the stereo and the porn stuff just muted on the tele. That is my personal preference. Some may like the sounds of fucking. I personally cant stand the "Fuck yes" or "Pound it harder" sounds that come from the TV.
If you want to watch porn with your lady friend, then ask her if this is something that she might like. And dont just put on your faveorite porn, get her opinion, maybe the chick you are so hot for, shhe finds fucnky looking.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Spawning and smoking nazis
Why is it that almost everyone that I know seems to be spawning? Are they devolving and mating to a point where having kids is the thing to do? Are they mating to repopulate the earth? If that is the case, then stop! The earth has reached its maximum occupancy level. Off the top of my head I can think of 7 couples that have just spawned or will be shortly spawning.
And I get stuck in the middle of their baby making freakishness. The next thing I will hear is "When are you going to make a little fucker?" For the love of cocksuckingchrist, I am NOT going to be havin' any babies. Why would I put myself through that? To experience the joys of life? I am alive aren't I? Doesn't that mean I am experiencing the joys of life?
Lets face it, if I had a kid it would be a mindless numb nut. My genetics have been used up and spit out. My brain is half cracked with all the years of substance abuse. Not to mention that I give my self 7 different cancers on a daily basis. Why would I subject a kid to that?
It seems like when people decide to reproduce, they want everyone else to share in the misery. They are alot like smoking nazis. You will obey.
My new job is full of them. I get to work this morning and the first thing that I hear from one of my coworkers. "You smell like ciggerettes. We dont like smokers. And since we dont smoke we smell it more then you do. Plus, this is a non smoking environment." In her better then thou smuggish voice. I didnt fucking light up a smoke in the office. If I want to slowly kill myself, then so be it. I am very aware of non smokers and respect their wish not to die from lung cancer. But what I do off the clock is my own business. But at the job, I cant smoke, before work and I cant smell like smoke or I am treated like a leaper. The stupid uppity bitches that I work with wouldnt even talk to me. Oh well, fuck 'em all to hell.
And I get stuck in the middle of their baby making freakishness. The next thing I will hear is "When are you going to make a little fucker?" For the love of cocksuckingchrist, I am NOT going to be havin' any babies. Why would I put myself through that? To experience the joys of life? I am alive aren't I? Doesn't that mean I am experiencing the joys of life?
Lets face it, if I had a kid it would be a mindless numb nut. My genetics have been used up and spit out. My brain is half cracked with all the years of substance abuse. Not to mention that I give my self 7 different cancers on a daily basis. Why would I subject a kid to that?
It seems like when people decide to reproduce, they want everyone else to share in the misery. They are alot like smoking nazis. You will obey.
My new job is full of them. I get to work this morning and the first thing that I hear from one of my coworkers. "You smell like ciggerettes. We dont like smokers. And since we dont smoke we smell it more then you do. Plus, this is a non smoking environment." In her better then thou smuggish voice. I didnt fucking light up a smoke in the office. If I want to slowly kill myself, then so be it. I am very aware of non smokers and respect their wish not to die from lung cancer. But what I do off the clock is my own business. But at the job, I cant smoke, before work and I cant smell like smoke or I am treated like a leaper. The stupid uppity bitches that I work with wouldnt even talk to me. Oh well, fuck 'em all to hell.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Just some crappy ass poems
Listening at 7-11
He reaches for the object
just out of his grasp.
She laughs as he tries
and tries again.
Little feet can barely keep up
as he is pulled along.
Cement is rough
when your toes scratch against
the crevices in your way.
"What is so important
that you had to interrupt
when I said excuse me?"
Came out from the blue
A cry emerges as the sound of skin
smacks skin.
____________________________________________________________________
I sit and watch
as the cars drive by
wondering where they are off to
in such a hurry.
Not noticing the baby bird
in its first flight of life.
Trying to make its way
and learning what should come
so naturally.
I watch it fall
and try again.
Spreading its wings
trying to learn to fly.
_________________________________________________________________
I sit and watch the screen
waiting for the words
to magically appear.
Listening to the voices that emerge from below.
The sounds of a dog's bark
and the yells from next door.
Are all I hear.
Sitting queitly still
waiting for my mind to open up
and unleash it self to me.
He reaches for the object
just out of his grasp.
She laughs as he tries
and tries again.
Little feet can barely keep up
as he is pulled along.
Cement is rough
when your toes scratch against
the crevices in your way.
"What is so important
that you had to interrupt
when I said excuse me?"
Came out from the blue
A cry emerges as the sound of skin
smacks skin.
____________________________________________________________________
I sit and watch
as the cars drive by
wondering where they are off to
in such a hurry.
Not noticing the baby bird
in its first flight of life.
Trying to make its way
and learning what should come
so naturally.
I watch it fall
and try again.
Spreading its wings
trying to learn to fly.
_________________________________________________________________
I sit and watch the screen
waiting for the words
to magically appear.
Listening to the voices that emerge from below.
The sounds of a dog's bark
and the yells from next door.
Are all I hear.
Sitting queitly still
waiting for my mind to open up
and unleash it self to me.
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