Tender K-9 lovin'

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Just some crappy ass poems

Listening at 7-11

He reaches for the object
just out of his grasp.
She laughs as he tries
and tries again.

Little feet can barely keep up
as he is pulled along.
Cement is rough
when your toes scratch against
the crevices in your way.

"What is so important
that you had to interrupt
when I said excuse me?"
Came out from the blue

A cry emerges as the sound of skin
smacks skin.
____________________________________________________________________

I sit and watch
as the cars drive by
wondering where they are off to
in such a hurry.

Not noticing the baby bird
in its first flight of life.

Trying to make its way
and learning what should come
so naturally.

I watch it fall
and try again.

Spreading its wings
trying to learn to fly.

_________________________________________________________________

I sit and watch the screen
waiting for the words
to magically appear.

Listening to the voices that emerge from below.
The sounds of a dog's bark
and the yells from next door.
Are all I hear.

Sitting queitly still
waiting for my mind to open up
and unleash it self to me.

5*16*2007

Maybe its because I have severed ties with people that I could of bee friends with. But when I look at them I cant see any value in their friendship, except to get drunk with them. Bar friends? Booooooo. Not what I am seeking.

Maybe its because I am half drunk, on one of these nights when I shouldn’t be so alone.

Maybe I just need to go back on my meds to try to make my brain right. The mental fight seems great tonight. Maybe its because I have no kumari to make my brain sleepy. Or was it due to the fact that I just “finished” a story and my mental vomit has been purged?

I really didn’t finish the story. It got too gruesome and I posted the water down version.

Maybe it has something to do with the lumps that I found on my little beau. Upon further investigation, they didn’t seem like fatty growths. Cancer? Maybe. At least, I found out that I haven’t been exposed to rabies. The dead dog’s head came back negative. That is good at least.

Is it loneliness? Why am I feeling this way this night? The heavy heart and the sorrow seem to wear heavy on me tonight. Is it just the first night of many that I know that I will spend alone? So many questions and not enough answers to satisfy me tonight. Maybe it’s just that I need something new tonight. I could be writing this out on paper but that just seems too much like writing in my diary tonight. Maybe I spend too much time lost in my brain. Too much time self-medicating, not enough time living. That is it. I have been spending too much time watching and not doing. I need to go out and run again. I have just been living on the starvation and self-abuse diet. I need a healthy dose of life. But given my choice of souls to be around, the self-abuse seems better.

I am so sick of all the drama, in so many accounts. The bar dealings, the gossip. I want a real life again. I want real friends again. Am I that picky as to who I can call friend? I know trust, is an issue with me. I don’t trust people. I know where I lost some of my trust in people. The ones that I once called “friends”, who in my time of need turned a back on me and I haven’t heard from them again.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe its just the life that I know lead. Always searching for some thing that I can never find. Maybe I have lost part of myself in trying to be something that I am not. I can never be that super sweet sugary girl. I have my darkness. In many ways I thrive in that darkness. Marching along to the beat of my own drummer, I turned my back on the path that I was meant to lead. I am just a lost soul in a lost world. Maybe I have become like so many of my ancestors, just trying to belong to a world that will never truly accept you.

I think that is more it then anything else. I am not “normal” enough to fit in and I am not freak enough to fit in. I am lost in this middle ground. It seems like there is nowhere that I belong. I am just a beast roaming looking for somewhere to belong.

Maybe I just need to be like James in James and the Giant Peach; I just need to look at things in a different way? Maybe it’s not me going crazy, but its all the masturbation that I have been doing. Oh, fuck that. Masturbation makes me happy, so does fucking. But that is a blog for another day.

So, I will put on a happy face for another day yet to come.

Maybe, it’s from being away from everything that I know. Oh yeah, happy face time. But it’s hard to do with this song on. Especially with the line “that’s the way it is in Oklahoma”. I am a country girl. I am an Okie. My whole life was made to revolve around that place. My life was created there, my family is there. For fuck’s sake, I have never spent more then 6 years away from there at one stretch. And I am pushing the 6.5 year mark out here. Its funny how you can dream your self away from some where and when you are gone from there you miss it like mad. But I know if I were back there, mentally I would wilt and fade. Oh, wait I am feeling that here. Maybe I just need to be somewhere else. Find new experiences to conquer. I have wanted to go to the Carolina’s. Really I want to go to NC. I want to be there. It seems to have the right mix of red neck charm and east coast living that I am longing for.

I know the Raleigh/Wilmington areas have made me happy in the past. Seeing rockabilly chickies with southern twangs, at an art/coffee house, made my heart go a flutter.

I guess, really I am just looking for that niche that I am trying to find, the group who will once again welcome me with open arms, without having to go back to Oklahoma, I have heard that Boston is nice…

5*16*07

To shave or not to shave? That is the question. I know that this question is a personal one. I am a fan of shaving. Yes, that is right folks, I shave the panty beaver. I would wax it but that is just a little werid, talking to a perfect stranger about how your hair grows down under.

Anyhoo, I think that if you arent into the whole Brazilian thing, at least trim it up. No one wants to see pubes sticking through a pair of panties. Or worse yet, bushing out around your panties. You say that you dont want to look like a 10 year old girl down there. Chickie poohs, guys love the young look of shaved/waxed pussy. When was the last time you saw a hairy cooch in porn, at a strip club, at on your partner's computer? You dont. The ideal of fucking a young girlie girl, gets them excited. Even if you abused your 'tang to the point its a gaping hole, it will be hot looking, if its hairless.

And guys, its not all about us being clean and smooth in the nether regions. There is nothing worse then giving a guy a hummer and having to stop to pull hair out from your mouth. Trim that shit up! I am not saying take a razor out and go to town, just a pair of scissors and do a little snipping.

Just a few things that are pissing me off

I am just going to rant about a few things that piss me off at the moment.

#1) People who cant drive worth a shit. I was coming home from working almost 10 hours today and I was not in the mood to deal with fucktards that were taking a leisure drive at 9pm. There is a reason that its called a fast lane fuckers. It is meant for people who want to drive over 45 miles an hour. I really hate the fuckers who started to drive the same slow ass speed, taking up all 3 lanes. That is just rude. Yes, that was me riding your ass and hoking my horn at you. Maybe you could of sped up when I started flashing my lights at you. Then when I can finally pass you, don't look all hurt and bewildered when I give you the middle digit salute. You deserved it.

#2) For the love of fucking god, when you get to the window at the drive thru have your money ready. Don't go digging through your arm rest, glove box, etc. You placed the order, you know how much it costs. You ordered the fucking food.

#3) This is my biggest rant of the day. If you are going to be a pet owner, be a responsible one. I work at a vet clinic and I see so many stupid fuckers come in with their pets, that are on death's door and then expect us to fix them. Today, was the fucker who stole the cake of stupidity. For the last 2 weeks, their dog has been acting funny. Saturday, the dog stopped walking, acted disoriented and was panting allot. So they wait until Monday afternoon to bring the dog in. When it gets to the clinic, it has major neurological problems. Its eyes are darting from side to side, pupils are dilated, head is tilting funny, not walking. Come to find out that the owners haven't vaccinated the dog against rabies in over 3 years, they leave it outside all the time and it bit the owner hard enough to break the skin and cause bleeding. So, what do we have to do? We get to lob its head off. Yippee. There is nothing like having to tell the stupid fuckers that we have to put your dog to sleep and then cut its head off. Not to mention, that not only are the owners but everyone that came into contact with the dog, has been possibly been exposed to rabies. If I have to get those damn rabies shots, someone will have to pay dearly. And maybe some hospital costs. I am one of those people who are allergic to thimerasol. That is the preservative that is used to keep vaccines safe for people to use. For me, that could be fatal. Joy, oh joy. I could get rabies or have the fun of getting injected with something that could kill me. I think I will take my chances with rabies.